


Honey

by NormieScum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fated Lovers, Jeanere - Freeform, Love at First Sight, M/M, Pining, Unrequitted, erejean - Freeform, this is just really sad okay, tw: alcohol, tw: smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:45:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11334159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NormieScum/pseuds/NormieScum
Summary: Jean has a habit of falling for people too easily and Eren, not enough.





	Honey

**Author's Note:**

> 'Honey, Call me honey.'

Love yourself.

It was a simple piece of advice Jean’s mom had given him before he’d moved away for college.

“Life is hard Jeanbo. I’m so proud of you for going away to get a degree but I don’t care whether you’re a doctor or a store clerk at the local 7/11. If you really want to make me happy, please love yourself.”

Ever since he was a young boy she’d pounded into his head that no matter what, he was perfect. Despite the baby fat, despite the bad attitude, despite **everything** he was still perfect to her. She’d set him up with every advantage, he came from an upper middle-class family so he had all of the new gadgets within the week they came out and every little thing he did receive boundless praise. Even when he was in trouble, his mother could never yell at him. Or if she did, she quickly apologized. This had turned him into a brat but nonetheless, he was a good person under everything thanks to a proper upbringing.

However away at college in a different city. Hell, a different state, he was struggling. Only two months into classes, he’d met a boy. That phone call home had been an awkward one.

-

“Mom, I think I’m gay.” He spoke before even giving his mother a chance to greet him. Heavily breathing into the phone received in a way that made her worried something was wrong. However, when she heard the news, a lighthearted chuckle left her.

“Jeanbo baby, I’ve had my suspicions since you were six and kissed that little neighbor boy…what was his name- Marco!”

“/Mom/, I’m being serious.” He groaned, feeling mocked and a little embarrassed.

“It’s alright honey. Don’t worry about it too much. College is a time for…experimenting. If that’s it, then fine. But if you’re actually gay, I’ll still love you. Nothing changes.” Her voice flutters to silence as she waits for Jean to speak. Instead of words, she’s greeted with a couple quiet sobs which causes her smile to curve into a concerned frown. “What’s wrong, dear?”

“Nothing…I’m just scared.” The tall blond wipes the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand, turning his head to muffle the pathetic sounds against his shoulder. “It makes me want to hate myself.” Her words, muffled in the back of his mind, felt almost mocking now.

“Oh Jean, I know it’s not easy but don’t be so hard on yourself. I just want you to be happy and I know at first, it’ll take some time but you’ll figure yourself out and trust me, loving someone is beautiful. And if you love men then that’s just fine. You know I don’t judge a soul for it and I won’t judge you either, dear.” Jean’s crying again but it’s for a different reason this time.

“Thanks, mom.” He leaves it at that, despite all of the things he wants to say to her. “I miss you. But I gotta go…I’m already late for class. Love you.”

“I love you too Jeanbo.” Mrs. Kirschtein keeps the phone pressed to her ear until she hears the feedback cut out. More than anything, she’s worried.

-

 

 The first time Jean saw Eren Jaeger, he was filled with a mix of different emotions. The most powerful, however, annoyance showed through as soon as the brunet spoke.

“What are you looking at, dumbass?” There was something about his face, he just looked so angry. The blond was curious, dumbfounded by how someone could look so livid yet act so self-assured at the same time. Every word that left Eren’s lips was in a pitch louder than the last; as if he was trying to outdo himself.

“Nothing I was looking at your shirt.” Jean’s voice is quieter, calmer. He doesn’t have anything riding on this conversation and Eren senses that. The shorter male looks down to notice he’s wearing a plain black paint stained t-shirt. Raising one of his ungroomed eyebrows and lunging closer to Jean, he shoves the taller male’s shoulder.

“What the hell man?!”

“Were you making fun of my shirt? Douche! Your shirt sucks too!” Eren had never been one to put much thought into his appearance, he was lucky to even remember to shower in the morning. Most of the time Mikasa had to be the one to remind him to.

“…how?” Jean questions, gently rubbing his hand over the fabric of his shirt. It’s plain too but neatly ironed and a light gray color. He liked it because it showed off his figure and now that some stranger was judging him he couldn’t help but become defensive. “I was looking at the paint stains maniac, are you a painter?” Eren takes a couple steps back, obviously shocked by his own outburst.

“Oh. Uh, yeah I guess you could say that.” It’s spray paint from when he’d attempted to vandalize his dad’s office. Jean nods, clearly disinterested in what Eren’s saying. Instead of sticking around to keep the conversation up he passes the guy and walks to class. But when he walks away, it’s all he can do to keep himself from smiling. His cheeks and the back of his neck burning warmly.

-

The next time he sees Eren is fitting; the brunet is spray painting a giant dick on the side of the campus gym. It’s early in the morning, just before six and no one else is around. Jean shoved his hands deep into his pockets and relied on his headphones to drown out whatever this short asshole was yelling at him. He didn’t look up so the tall blond didn’t even see it coming when Eren ran up to him and yanked the headphones out of his ears.

“You gonna snitch?” Eren’s assumptions are correct, if questioned, Jean probably would’ve snitched.

“No, dude I’m late for class can I go?”

“I don’t like the way you look at me. You’re such a snob.” Sighing, the blond shrugs his shoulders and takes his hands from his pockets to grab the headphones away.

“I’m not a snob, I just don’t really wanna associate with someone that spray paints dicks everywhere. It’s fucking weird. And desperate.”

“I’m sticking it to the man,” Eren suggests, Jean laughs.

“Stick it to the man somewhere else homo, I don’t want any.” He yanks away from the brunet’s grip and continues walking only to leave a dazed Eren staring at his broad shoulders as he leaves.

-

The third and final time he sees Eren, Jean is urged to kiss him. It’s at a party and they’re both horribly intoxicated. The smell of booze clings to their skin and clothes, only dispelled by the lingering of cigarette smoke.

“You ever look at a boy the way you do girls, Jeanbo?” Eren’s voice falters, he’s stumbling and eventually catches himself next to Jean on the couch. He wraps his arm around Jean’s shoulders to pull himself up to eye level so he can have a proper talk with the larger male.

“I guess so. I like boys and girls. Why?” Jean is drunk enough to admit it. Though drunk enough to admit to being bisexual, he’d never admit for Eren.

“Faggot,” Eren whispers in his ear; but it’s not meant to be hurtful. Jean knows this by the way Eren’s small hand is gripping his thigh. The room feels hot and Jean gets dizzy from both the liquor and the way the brunet makes him feel. “I bet you think about me, don’t you?” His voice is whinier than usual, and they’re so close. The smaller male wraps his legs over Jean’s lap and rests his palm against the blond’s cheek to pull him closer.

“Mm.” Jean hums, neither approving or disagreeing. His deep hazel eyes are being lured in by deep emerald and for a second, he feels lost. Or like he’s drowning. Or dying, one of infinite ways. When he’s with Eren, his skin burns and he wants to remove his clothes and wrap himself in whatever this miserably painful yet addicting sensation is that’s creeping up his spine. Eren neither loves him or even cares about him but they both desire each other.

“I can’t stop thinking about your big, rough hands all over me, /Jean/.” He moans the others name, rolling his eyes dramatically as if he’s hitting climax right here in a sea of drunk people. While they’re surrounded by friends and acquaintances, they’re still very much alone; only focused on one another.

“Yeah?” He’s hard now, and Eren notices, palming his hand gently at first before giving him a rough squeeze that makes Jean gasp out in pain but it feels good, and he wants more.

Things build up and then they just drop, Mikasa and Armin come to pull drunk Eren away. Mikasa gives Jean some half-assed explanation that the small brunet is grieving the loss of his mother and can’t handle himself properly. Especially not when alcohol is involved. The sudden reality crashes onto Jean’s shoulders that none of this was technically real. He was never close to the guy he’d fell in love with, at first sight, he was a temporary distraction to a shell of that same man. It seemed dramatic but it caused him a lot of grievances.

They came so close to kissing but just…. don’t.

-

He doesn’t see Eren on campus anymore, despite seeing Armin and Mikasa. Whenever he works up the courage to ask about Eren they just walk away from him. No one gives the blond an explanation and for a brief moment of time, he thinks that he’s just going mad.

‘were you even real in the first place?’

Seasons pass, before years. Jean eventually forgets the softness of his hair and the smell of lingering cigarette smoke. He teaches himself how to love other men, having hookups and even relationships. None of them end well, he’s disgusted with himself by the breakups. His mother, although sick, is always there for him. She makes the travel across the state for her son’s graduation. And when they see each other, they both look much different than they did at Christmas break. She’s frailer than before, deep sunken circles around her eyes and she walks with a limp. Jean, seemingly taller, has gained some weight and muscle. His hair is a tasteful platinum blond and it’s grown out. He bends over to hug his mother, tears welling in his eyes when he does.

“I’m so proud of you Jeanbo.” She tells him, patting his back and kissing his cheek. He looks around, hoping no one saw. He’s never been one for affectionate displays, especially from mom.

“Thanks, mom.” He’s mostly silent, not wanting to get into the details of his time at college right now with his mother. But he’s happy she’s there.

-

Years pass, and as if by chance he meets a man with the same emerald eyes and the same brunet hair. However, he’s different this time. Much quieter, less angry. Somehow, he’s both disappointed and relieved. Jean moved to the town over after graduation, and while he’s lonely, he’s relatively successful.

“Eren?” The man turns to look over his shoulder, he’s working in a local convenience store. While it seems almost sad, he can’t help but feel a sense of relief wash over him when he sees Eren’s lips curve into a huge grin.

At first, Jean thinks it’s because he recognizes him. So he does the same.

“Hey man, how are you? It’s been…years. You just kinda disappeared.” It doesn’t take much for all of Jean’s previous feelings to come flooding back, suddenly he’s drowning in his own memories.

“I’m sorry…do I know you?” Crushed would be putting it lightly, he convinces himself there’s still hope though. Since he looks much different than he did in college.

“Sorry uh, it’s Jean. Jean Kirschtein. We were…not really friends I guess, in college.” Eren nods, although Jean can tell he’s not exactly convinced.

“You used to spray paint dicks.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something I’d do.” He laughs, and it’s warm. Jean finds a way to be okay with this as long as the brunet is happy.

“Where’d you go so suddenly?”

“I joined the military, the whole college thing wasn’t really working out for me. What about you? Why are you here?” He feels almost like a stalker now, ending up in the same town as Eren seems like almost too much of a coincidence even if he hadn’t planned it.

“I uh, moved here a few years ago.”

“Huh. Well, I just got discharged, so I haven’t been around until about a month ago.” He steps out from behind the counter and lifts his pant leg to show off an artificial leg. Jean is… horrified at first.

“Shit, are you okay..? What happened?” Eren laughs, leaning over the counter.

“The typical war shit, y’know? Isn’t it obvious?” Jean starts to feel awkward, fidgeting nervously; he asks Eren for a pack of smokes from behind the counter.

“You still smoke huh?” This question causes Jean to come to the realization that Eren does remember him.

“Yeah, bad habit.”

“I’ll say.”

“Do you maybe wanna get a drink sometime? I don’t really have a lot of friends around here.”

“Since when do you wanna be friends with me, Jean?”

“We just, we have history. I don’t know.”

“Jesus, don’t hurt yourself. Fine, I’m down. As long as you’re buying.”

“I can manage that.”

“See you tomorrow night then? Jeanbo, that likes boys and girls.” It takes him a second to realize that Eren is referencing the night of the party. For a second, he believes there’s a chance Eren could’ve been longing for him too.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh so I started writing this at the beginning of the month with the intention of doing a cute little thing for pride month. Now that pride month is almost over, I'm actually uploading the first chapter of this :c And it's no longer a cute little fic, it's become relatively angsty and it's definitely vent writing. I'm not sure what angle I'm taking on this but I wanted to get out some new angst while I work on the requests you guys have been sending me! I got a lot of cute ones and I can't wait to start working on them! :") Thanks for the support, seriously <3


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